Hard to Find
The definitive guide to creating the sex life of your wildest dreams—just by talking about it!—from sexpert couple Vanessa and Xander Marin.
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
AARP.org Books to Improve Your Love Life
Why is it so hard to talk about sex, even with the person who regularly sees you naked?
You know communication is important in a relationship, but you just don’t know how to get started with such a sensitive subject. Maybe you’ve never talked about sex at all, and the thought of it makes your palms sweat. Or you’re feeling so disconnected from your partner that sex is the last thing on your mind. Maybe you’re too scared to be honest about what you really want. Or you have no freaking clue what you want, so you’re not sure how to tell your partner anything helpful!
Sex Talks “helps us overcome the myths that drag us down” (John Gottman, New York Times bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Together, sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband, Xander, show you that the best thing you can do for your sex life doesn’t even involve taking off your clothes.
Sex Talks covers the five essential conversations every couple needs to have:
1. Acknowledgement: a.k.a. “Sex is a thing, and we have it.”
2. Connection: a.k.a. “What do we need to feel connected to each other?”
3. Desire: a.k.a. “What do we each need to get turned on?”
4. Pleasure: a.k.a. “What do we each need to feel good?”
5. Exploration: a.k.a. “What should we try next?”
With gripping storytelling and an intimate peek at what really goes on behind other couples’ closed bedroom doors, Vanessa and Xander share their successful advice that has already helped thousands of clients. Sex Talks “redefines what it means to have great sex” (Logan Ury, author of How to Not Die Alone), providing the sex education you wish you’d had, plus the tried-and-tested tools you need to create the sex life of your wildest dreams.
About the Author
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy. She has bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. She has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker, and has been featured many times in major publications like Oprah Daily, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Real Simple.
Xander Marin is a regular dude who left a cushy career in tech once he realized it was more fun to talk about sex with his wife all day. He’s here to show you that you don’t need a graduate degree or a license to have extraordinary communication skills—you just need to have an open mind and willingness!
“Finally, here’s a book that recognizes that most sex issues are a result of the lack of communication. Based on the latest research, Sex Talks helps us overcome the myths that drag us down. Buy this book! Have these essential conversations!”
— John Gottman, New York Times bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
“This book redefines what it means to have great sex. With her signature frankness and relatability, Vanessa Marin reveals the secrets to a fulfilling love life. You’ll never think about intimacy and desire the same way again.”
— Logan Ury, author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love
“If there is one thing I know from my years as a sex therapist it's that talking about sex may be one of the most difficult hurdles couples face when they want to improve their sex lives. Sex Talks shows you how to make those conversations easier, and perhaps even fun.”
— Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, author of Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You’ve Always Wanted
“Compassionate and witty, Marin makes what many find a challenging discussion manageable, even for readers with little idea of where to start. Anyone looking to improve their communication with a partner will find valuable takeaways.”
— Publishers Weekly